New Album "I'm Sorry (You're Welcome)" Released October 30th on Digital/Vinyl/Chair/Robe

Hello everyone! A new album that I have been working on for the past several years is coming out next month! I mostly wanted to write this preamble to the press release information below, so that it did not seem like I talk about myself in the third person. Eugene don’t do that. Oops!
Please enjoy the wonderful, handmade album and press information below.

Eugene Mirman’s I’m Sorry (You’re Welcome):
A monumental 9-volume, 7-LP comedy album

Available on vinyl / digital / chair / robe
worldwide October 30th from Sub Pop

Eugene Mirman’s I’m Sorry (You’re Welcome) is a 9-volume, 7-LP comedy album that will be available worldwide on October 30th from Sub Pop.
I’m Sorry (You’re Welcome) is the culmination of a long-time dream of Eugene’s. It includes a vast array of sounds that can be described as varyingly poignant, erotic, practical, romantic, mind-altering, educational, and humorous. Need to learn Russian? Eugene provides. Meditation sounds? Eugene provides. The sound of a grown man crying? Eugene provides. Oh, also, this release contains a full set of live standup recorded at Columbia City Theater in Seattle, WA June 6, 7, & 8, 2014.

I’m Sorry (You’re Welcome) contents include:

LP1 - Live In Seattle At The Columbia City Theater

Good-humored noticings from America’s “Master of the Noticing!”
LP 2A - A Guided Meditation For The Thoughtful Body
A calming meditation to cheer and sooth the cluttered mind, the injured heart and the anxious body
LP 2B - Fuckscape
An erotic soundscape for lovebirds and adventurous friends
LP 3 - Eugene’s Comprehensive Sound Effects Library
Tremendous, mouth-made sound effects for amateur and professional foley artists alike
LP 4 - Digital Drugs
A binaural acoustic pharmacy for the carefree or ill
LP 5 - Over 45 Minutes of Crying
A full-hearted 45-minute cry-a-thon
LP 6A - Introduction To Spoken Russian
The language of Pushkin as taught by someone who left Russia at the age of 4
LP 6B - Ringtones & Outgoing Voicemail Messages For Your Personal Use
Turn every phone call you miss or receive into a thousand-million smiles
LP7 - 195 Orgasms

I’m Sorry (You’re Welcome) will be available digitally, or as a lavish, 7-LP box set from Sub Pop Mega Mart.  Additionally, limited-edition embroidered robes and an armchair with embedded audio players, will also be available to purchase from (while supplies last).
Eugene Mirman has scheduled the I’m Sorry (You’re Welcome) Tour which spans October 30th - November 19th. Support will come from Derrick Brown and Josie Long (select dates). Please find a complete list of dates below.
About Eugene Mirman’s I’m Sorry (You’re Welcome):
Feel yourself going inward. You're a piece of hot chocolate, sinking through the marshmallow of yourself. Cutting through everything, into a warm hugzone.
Let Eugene Mirman's new album I'm Sorry (You're Welcome) center you with "A Guided Meditation for the Thoughtful Body," teach you conversational Russian, and soundtrack your next intimate getaway with "Fuckscape." Or just listen to him crying for 45 minutes.
The monumental 9-volume/7-LP set, due October 30th on Sub Pop Records, is much more than a comedy album, and much less than the 100 CD-album that Mirman originally conceived for the project 10 years ago. In addition to Mirman's brilliant stand-up performance at Seattle's Columbia City Theater in June 2014, the collection includes more than 500 tracks featuring: a guided meditation for various body parts; an erotic new age "Fuckscape" for sexing to; a comprehensive sound effects library, voiced by Mirman, including everything from "rain" to "zoo with nothing to lose"; an aural pharmacy of "digital drugs" from marijuana to apple cider vinegar; over 45 real minutes of real crying; an introduction to possibly useful Russian phrases; ringtones and outgoing voicemail messages for your personal use; and 195 consecutive orgasms. It is, as comedian Daniel Kitson writes in the set's liner notes, "a parade of excellence punctuated with benevolent explosions of the purist, uncut, nonsense."
"I've wanted to make this album for a long time," says Mirman, best known for his roles on Bob's Burgers, Flight of the Conchords, Delocated, and for the annual Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival in Brooklyn, NY. He brainstormed dozens of ideas for discs, including some that sounded funnier than they turned out to be in execution ("you quickly run out of secrets to whisper to your dick," for example). "Since so much of what I wanted to do seemed sort of simple, I bought a moderately good podcasting microphone and actually recorded myself crying for 45 minutes on a sun porch in Cape Cod. A lot of people ask me if the crying is looped, which it is not. I cried for 45 minutes."
Mirman quickly realized, however, that he needed professional help, and enlisted musicians and longtime friends Christian Cundari and Matthew Savage to record and engineer the album in their Boston studio. "What began as an inquiry, turned into a long, amazing collaboration," says Mirman. "For the next few years, I’d take the train up to Boston and we’d record, drink, eat authentic Chinese food, record more and edit."
Conceiving and editing hundreds of sound effects, ringtones, and orgasms was hard work, but also a lot of fun, and highly improvised.
"'Fuckscape' came from the fact that there's a 24-hour soundscape in the elevator at the hotel that I would often stay at when I'd go to Boston to work on this, and I made some joke like 'I'm going to make a soundscape for fucking,'" says Mirman. "A lot of it was just trying to make friends in the other room who were listening to me record this thing laugh. It's definitely pretty funny to say that an album features 195 orgasms. I don't know that I want people to listen to them, and there's people I definitely want to not be aware that I've done this, but I do think it's funny."
I'm Sorry (You're Welcome) will be available on vinyl, digitally and in various atypical physical formats including a run of collectible chairs and robes that play the album.
"One of the things that I'd originally told [Sub Pop A&R head] Tony Kiewel was that I wanted it to come out in all sorts of formats, and by that I meant a chair, a robe, and other objects," says Mirman. "Basically, in today's music industry, it makes sense to have it be a chair but not a CD."
The first LP, the stand-up album itself, features Mirman's signature sharp, absurd commentary including "The Time I Was Mugged In Mexico With Michael Stipe" and "Not Happy About A Parking Ticket I Got In Portsmouth, NH," destined to become a classic for repeated listening.
As for what to do with the rest of it, the possibilities are infinite. "If you make a mix you should throw in 10 orgasms or sound effects, and I think you'd be surprised how fun that would be," says Mirman. "I think it'll be a spice that people add throughout their lives."
To quote one of many discarded titles for the album, please enjoy this dumb, weird thing.

Tour Dates
Oct. 30 - Brooklyn, NY - The Bell House *
Nov. 06 - Austin, TX - Fun Fun Fun Fest
Nov. 11 - Los Angeles, CA - Largo * ^
Nov. 12 - Seattle, WA - The Neptune * ^
Nov. 13 - Portland, OR - Newmark Theatre *^
Nov. 19 - Boston, MA- The Paradise * ^
* w/ Derrick Brown
^ w/ Josie Long


The Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival Returns to New York: September 18-21st

The EMCF is back!  We're celebrating our 8th year of the festival from September 18th, 2015 - September 21st 2015.  Shows will be at the Bell House and Union Hall, along with a special StarTalk Live! at the Beacon Theatre.  This year's festival will include fun surprises, along with performances from John Hodgman, Ira Glass, Maeve Higgins, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Jo Firestone, and many more.

My Two Graduation Speeches

My Two Graduation Speeches

It’s graduation season once again! In case you are still in need of life-advice, here is the entire collection of my award winning (not really) commencement speeches — the first is from my old high school, Lexington, MA, in 2009, and the second is from my alma mater, Hampshire College, in 2012. If you watch both, along with your years and years of studying stuff, you should have the building-blocks of leading a happy, fulfilled life:


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The Onion AV Club interview with me!

I did an interview with The Onion’s AV Club a few weeks ago and it’s up now. You can read it here and here and here and here! Classic link humor! I am truly “of the times!”

A random note — I found out that this article was live because Mike Benner (who works on Bob’s Burgers tweeted me an image from the comments section):

Here’s some more comments:

Mostly, I want to clarify that I’m not paid by the companies I make fun of (though it would be amazing if Delta Airlines paid me to do a bit on my last album where I beep their name and claim they shit into everyone’s luggage and then set it on fire — alas — that is only something Jet Blue would pay for).

I love the Onion AV Club and the comments there. Even in this — where someone is wondering if I am paid to make fun of Time Warner — they are sympathetic to the possibility that I’d need to make money and, anyway, who knows how things work, right?

I know of comedians who are in commercials (I did one once!) or who’ve been paid to tweet about stuff (when I first joined Twitter some company offered to connect me to advertisers – meaning if we liked each other they would pay me and I would Tweet about them. However, my tweet was valued at $17.17 a tweet — which I promptly changed to $20,000 and never heard from anyone). Offhand, I don’t know of a comedian who has snuck products for money into their act. I could totally be wrong, I just have never heard of it.

This is not to say that if you are a company (that I like — or could learn to like) that you should not consider giving me millions of dollars. I am happy to accept money — I just won’t sneak it into my act. I might make a video. I might post your product to my Facebook page saying I like it, adding that I was paid and then I will thank you for hopefully helping me buy a nice oceanside home in Provincetown or Maine or somewhere. Please do not offer me under $500k. Thank you.

Also — to clarify — I did not take out a series of ads in the “Times” (New York Times?) getting people looking at Time-Warner’s improvements in service — but took out two ads in two weeklies — one in New York Free Press and another in the Greenpoint Gazette. I personally don’t think it reads like a list of improvements to their service.

Here’s also the bit I think Enkidum is talking about with Sprint (it’s about a banner ad I saw on MySpace years ago for Blackberry Storms — which I imagine are by now just used to teach current kindergarteners about the hard times we used to face in 2007).

Anyway, I know it’s a little silly to comment on this, but because I do so many bits about companies and ads and stuff, I just wanted to make it clear that I’m not sponsored by them.
Lastly, I am inside an airplane right now (won’t tell you the brand, but it’s an airline I hate!), and am heading to Seattle. Tomorrow is the first show of our festival. It is the return of Invite Them Up with Bobby Tisdale, me, Todd Barry, Ron Funches, Kurt Braunohler and probably more! Come!

Or come to one of the other wonderful shows this week!

UPDATE! The suggestion that I am a sneaky vehicle for companies I dislike has been rescinded! This is how the Internet should work! Random accusations of high people corrected by the accused while bored on airplane flights. This is what Al Gore had always dreamed for us.

Kickstarter for the Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival 2011!

The 4th Annual Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival!

This year’s festival will take place from September 15th – 18th in Brooklyn at Bell House and Union Hall. We have a bunch of awesome stuff planned that we’re VERY excited about.

Normally, each year, we half-heartedly consider trying to get sponsors to fund our lovely and demented dreams, but this year we’ve decided to try something different: Kickstarter. With that in mind, please watch the video, look at our oddball incentives, and consider donating anywhere between $10 and $10,000. It would be very helpful. Thank you. Click-ity click click click here!